fireman cruiser
A crisp saturday evening, rain looming, friends travel to the evil-east side to have some late-night backyard beverages. This was scheduled to be a holdover visit between parties, a pitstop before returning to the night's original destination. The soiree, which is our setting, is on the tame side: bottles are present, people are quietly discussing the state of things in general and a character is taking a digital snapshot of his friends belly squeezed together so as to resemble a woman's vagina. with all the 'excitement', our hero is confronted with the evening's true dilemma around which this story takes place: no ice.
El Daniel: Say man, is there any ice in there
Poppa Large checks to fridge.
Ah man, this is the last of it.
El Daniel: Shit, I'm not drinking warm whiskey + coke.
Go check the keg outside, should be some out there.
Our hero heads out back, where the keg is not on ice.
El Daniel: Shit, man, I need to get some ice.
Well, being that the glow of this 7-11 sign behind the fence is like the parting of the skies as the lord appears, it may well be a sign that you should walk the 20 feet next door...they have have ice in those stores, ya know.
El Daniel: Oh yeah.
Cruising out of the backyard, El Daniel yells to Lakshmi.
El Daniel: Hey, I'm gonna roll on yr bike.
Don't get my shit stolen.
Hoping on the cherished cruiser of Mrs. Lakshmi Asokan, our hero rides approximately 30 seconds around the block to the local 7-11, laying the bike up against the trashcan by the door.
Hey, man, how are you?
El Daniel: Alright, what's up.
Hey dude, do you think....
The attendant comes out of the 7-11.
You gotta go man, you gotta get outta here.
El Daniel proceeds to the back of the store, has a quick internal debate over which cup to get, opting out of the initial styrofoam cup he grabs, deciding it's more eco-friendly to grab a plastic cup that you can leave at the party and they'll reuse it some day. Our hero constantly finds himself engaged in these internal struggles, having the utmost moral + ethical standard to which he is completely conscious of, yet adheres to with grossly varying degrees depending on his personal mood or state of intoxication. Grabbing the plastic cup and filling it with ice, our Hero looks to add some coke to the cup and becomes confused with the super-dispenser, offering him choices of Vanilla Coke, CHerry COke, Lemon Coke. THinking to himself, he presses the "Coke" button, hoping for standard coca-cola. Cherry coke goes in the cup.
El Daniel: Shit.
Our Hero, who 10 seconds prior internalized the ecological impact of his choice of cup material, upset, throws the plastic cup in the trash and grabs a new one, fills it with ice, and carefully plans his next move, staring at the dispenser.
El Daniel: How in the hell does this thing work, you've got 3 choices of flavored Coke, but no original, there's no way.
Giving it a 2nd try, he presses the button and tastes the liquid coming out, letting it drip onto his finger and tasting the drink.
El Daniel: Shit, Cherry Coke again.
Turning around, half-perplexed by being outwitted by a soda dispensed and half-agitated in the standard way our hero easily gets worked out about small issues, to which he is fully aware of this "issue" and works on it as he is able to.
Now speaking to the attendant.
El Daniel: Say man, how the hell does this thing work, I just want some regular coke and it only lets me do these other flavors.
Having a keen sense of his surroundings (and a tad of neurosis), our Hero looks out the window from the back of the 7-11, looking for the handlebars of the bike which he had layed down in front.
THinking to himself.
El Daniel: Hmmmm, I don't see those bars, I better walk up front, the view's probably just blocked by the trashcan.
Walking with a semi-concerned pace to the front of the convenience store, it quickly becomes more and more evident, that the bike is not where our Hero has last placed it. The reality of the situation does not sink in until El Daniel actually opens the door, looks at both trashcans outside and realizes that the bike is gone.
El Daniel: What the fuck?! That fucking homeless dude ganked Lakshmi's bike and the damn attendant didn't say shit, how the fuck did he not see that shit??!!?
El Daniel: Where the fuck did the bike go?
Random lady: What?
El Daniel: There was a bike here and someone stole it, did you see anyone?
Random lady: Yeah, it's over there. Is it your bike?
SO our Hero pans to the left and just outside of the parking lot of the 7-11, in the street, he sees a few people standing next to the bike, which is laying down, and a man on the ground, face down in the middle of the street.
[Running to bike + scene]
El Daniel: WHat the fuck?! (picking up the bike and looking at the guy)
Standard Austin vagabond: He got hit by a car, you gotta leave the bike here, he just got hit.
El Daniel: Fuck that, that fool just tried to steal this bike.
[Taking the bike inside the 7-11.]
El Daniel: Say man, homeboy who stole my bike just got hit by a car, better call the ambulance............
Arlight, so I'm tired of trying to type this up. What ends up happening is I take the bike aroudn the corner, tell the story to the crew, we roll back and the dude is finally sitting up + conscious. His homeboys get all pissed cause we're talking to the cops, they're saying "awe, man, he was just goofin'", whatever the fuck that means. Don't be goofin on someone else's bike or yr liable to be goofin face down on the concrete.
The fuzz took a report, the bike was fine, so we didn't press charges...the cops called it 'street justice', i call it a story too long to tell the way i wanted to....
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