a,mbeam
things are winding down, yet heating up at school. annual meetings/paperwork/fun, i'm starting my fafsa application and will be living the govt subsidised life, not to socioeconomically different from yer boy old dirt mcgirt.
i'm excited, it's gonna be a big change + has me locked into austin for a while, which i enjoy.
running sort of started again the past 2 days, hopfully i can get it rolling again by this week.
ambien's kickin in like no joke, i;m havning trouble typing this, which i am throroughly enjoying. it seems the keys are sticling to my fingrtids...i;m fadnig...they work, i wiill be getting y prascrpiton fillrf.
ovr)+out.
faulty times
i saw black mountain play last night, they were great. go listen to their music...pink mountaintops as well.
it's nap time.
tourist in your town
i was daydreaming on the way to work today, being back from springbreak's hard on a nagger + i didn't sleep well last night. a chain of my thoughts led me to feeling really ill, about the way i treated this lady i used to see a while back. it wasn't the most in depth relationship, long distance in fact, though it would have been deep, had i not been such a dirtbag. i really was into her to start things off, but then something happened, maybe that cramped feeling, a small trigger in my brain that completely changes the way i view someone...and then the longing from the other person just pushes them further away. it's pretty twisted + i've been on the other end of it, probably with good reason, karma, etc.
i took her to a wedding, she didn't know anyone + i totally dogged her there. i guess it was the alcohol + seeing a bunch of folks i'd missed for a while, but i was really relieved when she went to talk to a friend of mine + i said i was gonna head out for a sec, with the intent of getting away for a while. where in the f*ck does that come from, i have a hard time understanding how someone could be so shitty to someone, i sort of pride myself on treating people well (many will laugh at that statement), but i'm also a hypocrite + it's annoying.
later that night, we left the reception, went downtown and proceeded to get very lit at a bar, where i proceeded to not-so-discreetly hit on an old lady i used to know. total sh*tbag, what was i thinking? i doubt i was doing a good job of hiding what i was doing, it was pretty much in front of her, it just came out of somewhere, my mind switched + i couldn't get out of being a dick to this girl that was really good to me. at the end of the night, things got dirty + disrespectful there as well, i won't even go into that, it's a mess + i felt really ill this morning processing all of this + how it must have made her feel. she didn't deserve that shit. would an apology be selfish or appropriate? i'd have to do some groundwork to get in touch with her + i saw her in town about 2 yrs ago, caught off-guard at the grocery store, saying a weak hello + chit chat + then being torn in the parking lot of whether to go back in and see if she wanted to talk or if i could see her again some time.
i'm a chicken.
p.(li)s.(kin)
i went to casino for dinner + they had back to back 'warriors'/'escape from new york' on the television, seeing the last quarter and first of those 2 respectively. the post-point i wanted to bring up is that the scene where the president's plane goes down in new york got me thinking about the september 11th + i wondered if the terrorists were inspired by watching 'escape from new york'?
that pliskin was a tough mother, i tell u whut.
where regrets end
the ol' sxsw festival's been moving along since friday after school. it's so nice to have spring break off, makes me wanna padre my ass off, like ol' fred-dogg himself, bitch killa to all you foes.
i have a film pass and have gotten a chance to see a bunch of really good documentaries, the one feature i wanted to see, todd solondz's 'palindromes' was missed, i met up at a friend's place + the party went a little late. iraq, n. korean refugees, kids who don't feel pain, enron, and the flaming lips are the topics i've watched so far.
tried to go see some music after the movie tonight, though i struck out on night one, pretty much 'wristbands + passes only'. i'll check the free parties, try to see some music for the next nights if i can get in, and then go to the vice party saturday...we'll be scamming our way in, as usual.
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still rockin the chevy silverado, like colt seavers. the saab should be finished in few days. i'm actually bummed, i like the redneck beat up truck loaner the shop put me in, i really like it.
!
Yeah, I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge.
The kids are coming up from behind.
I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge to the kids from France and from London.
But I was there.
I was there in 1968.
I was there at the first Can show in Cologne.
I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge to the kids whose footsteps I hear when they get on the decks.
I'm losing my edge to the Internet seekers who can tell me every member of every good group from 1962 to 1978.
I'm losing my edge.
To all the kids in Tokyo and Berlin.
I'm losing my edge to the art-school Brooklynites in little jackets and borrowed nostalgia for the unremembered eighties.
But I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge, but I was there.
I was there.
But I was there.
I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge.
I can hear the footsteps every night on the decks.
But I was there.
I was there in 1974 at the first Suicide practices in a loft in New York City.
I was working on the organ sounds with much patience.
I was there when Captain Beefheart started up his first band.
I told him, "Don't do it that way. You'll never make a dime."
I was there.
I was the first guy playing Daft Punk to the rock kids.
I played it at CBGB's.
Everybody thought I was crazy.
We all know.
I was there.
I was there.
I've never been wrong.
I used to work in the record store.
I had everything before anyone.
I was there in the Paradise Garage DJ booth with Larry Levan.
I was there in Jamaica during the great sound clashes.
I woke up naked on the beach in Ibiza in 1988.
But I'm losing my edge to better-looking people with better ideas and more talent.
And they're actually really, really nice.
I'm losing my edge.
I heard you have a compilation of every good song ever done by anybody. Every great song by the Beach Boys. All the underground hits. All the Modern Lovers tracks. I heard you have a vinyl of every Niagra record on German import. I heard that you have a white label of every seminal Detroit techno hit - 1985, '86, '87. I heard that you have a CD compilation of every good '60s cut and another box set from the '70s.
I hear you're buying a synthesizer and an arpeggiator and are throwing your computer out the window because you want to make something real. You want to make a Yaz record.
I hear that you and your band have sold your guitars and bought turntables.
I hear that you and your band have sold your turntables and bought guitars.
I hear everybody that you know is more relevant than everybody that I know.
But have you seen my records? This Heat, Pere Ubu, Outsiders, Nation of Ulysses, Mars, The Trojans, The Black Dice, Todd Terry, the Germs, Section 25, Althea and Donna, Sexual Harrassment, a-ha, Pere Ubu, Dorothy Ashby, PIL, the Fania All-Stars, the Bar-Kays, the Human League, the Normal, Lou Reed, Scott Walker, Monks, Niagra,
Joy Division, Lower 48, the Association, Sun Ra,
Scientists, Royal Trux, 10cc,
Eric B. and Rakim, Index, Basic Channel, Soulsonic Force ("just hit me"!), Juan Atkins, David Axelrod, Electric Prunes, Gil! Scott! Heron!, the Slits, Faust, Mantronix, Pharaoh Sanders and the Fire Engines, the Swans, the Soft Cell, the Sonics, the Sonics, the Sonics, the Sonics.
You don't know what you really want...
my melody
false tuned
i admit it, i have thoroughly abandoned my internet writin', though not without reason. i thought my ethernet card was out, went and got a new one at fry's, but thought i'd trouble-shoot to see if it was just a loose card + yes, it was only disconnected. such is life, i'll go + return it.
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what new events have happened since i last posted some garbage? i wrecked my car. $2,700, out of pocket. liability be just that. though i think i've got this sucka like matlock. at first it seemed like i was technically at fault, though i believe i may have some ish to turn the tides, like alabama. so now i'm in a 'loaner' vehicle from my mechanic + i think i like it more than my old car, it's a mid 80s junker chevy silvarado, total beater, but it's rad. seat all the way across, makes me wanna get a smalltown slut as a girlfriend, hav're sit in the middle. very hott. so that's how i'm rollin' till the car gets out, though i sort of yearn for an 80s truck.
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what else, got into ut grad school, so i'll be spending the next 6 yrs broke (if the plan goes as, well, planned); ain't nothin' new --- born geto, die geto (new neck tattoo).
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work has been pretty out of hand dramatica the past few, though it's settling + so are my nerves. running will recommence shortly. took some adderall today, made me feel normal.
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auto bill + uncle sam got the flows locked like "The hobo, the junction (conjuction) The d stands for diesel..."
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